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the race didn’t change my life

As I sit here to write, I realize I simply don’t have the words to sum up what the past 9 months have been like for me. 

There’s been growth and stretching. Times when I simply didn’t want to press into the people around me. Times when I didn’t want to talk to God, let alone go to ministry. 

There’s been joy and a overwhelming sense of belonging. Times when I sat back and watching my friends laugh and have fun. Times when I joined and realized that I had become apart of a massive family. 

If I’ve learned anything in my time with my squad, it’s that community is good. And it’s not good because of me or any other person. 

It’s good because we all have one underlying commonality. 

We love God. 

And absolutely nothing that the Gap Year program I applied for and somehow decided to do changed me. 

Any and all of my character and spiritual growth is all because of God. 

I’ve seen Him move in the most insane way. I’ve seen Him heal people, me included (if you want to know that story, just ask). I’ve seen Him be present. I’ve seen Him change hearts. I’ve seen Him change lives. 

So as I sit here, on hard concrete, outside of a worship night, half blind because my contact was hurting my eye too much for me to keep it in. 

I want to tell you, nothing and nobody can ever change you. The only person who can change you is God. 

But that’s only if you allow Him to. 

And for the last month and a half, I’ve struggled with allowing God to change me. I’ve wrestled with Him about things my life more times than I care to count. 

And each time I do, I pray that He wins. I don’t want to win. Because nothing good will come from it. 

So yeah. I’ve changed since leaving home in September. The temptations I struggled with in the beginning aren’t the same ones I struggle with now. 

My story has changed. I’ve been hurt and healed. I’ve fought battles, some I lost and some that I won. Even the foods I like have changed. 

But that’s okay, because in every way that I’ve changed, God was there, working. 

And I’m forever grateful for it. 

2 Comments

  1. So very proud of you and what you are doing and have done! Glad your coming home 😉 Me, Momma , Madison and Shai have missed you everyday you’ve been gone but are so very proud of you. See you on Monday!!

  2. Love this word! We try so hard to change ourselves but HE is the one who does the week. “All” we have to do is submit ourselves to whatever His process is, no matter how wonderful or miserable, because HE IS the HOPE!!

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